When To Avoid Reporting a Crime     You may ask what it means to avoid reporting a crime. " All crimes should be reported."  It depends.   I am often asked how I am able to mix Family Law and Criminal Defense Law.   Unfortunately, quite a few of my criminal cases come from good marriages gone bad.                                  The Most Common Crime   The most common crime is Simple Battery.  This occurs when a spouse (Yes, some WOMEN - often the woman-can throw a mean punch) hits the other spouse in a fit of anger.   Incidentally, it is usually the woman who starts it.  She is very capable of provoking the man into losing control.  Now if this sounds sexist, my wife, who is a lovely family therapist agrees.  She designed a family therapy court program here in Atlanta, Georgia.  She tells me that in all of her domestic violence cases, the wife began the fray.  The husband lost control, hit her, and the police were called-by the wife, usually.  When the police arrived, guess who went to jail?  Of course, the husband.    Now, from my wife's point of view, hitting is NEVER acceptable.  Anyone being provoked needs to learn to keep the emotional climate low and themselves under control by leaving the scene.  I agree with my wife that NO ONE should be hit or tolerate it.   My wife advises her clients to pack a bag on the first incident and put it by the door. She advises that whomever got hit  state that on the next incident, the victim will leave-with the bag-and call the police on the way out.  That is the therapy advice that my wife gives.   Some men, when the emotional climate gets too high, will hit the woman to get her back under control.  These are weak men-not the men who go out of control in an isolated incident.  So the question this attorney is raising is, WHEN DO YOU CALL THE POLICE? or,                              WHAT IS PRACTICAL?   Again, hitting of anyone is never acceptable.  The first line of defense on a first occasion would be to avoid letting the emotion get that high.   If it is a first offense and there is NO damage to anyone or anything, if you believe that this is out of character for the attacker, it is not in your best interests to involve the police.  Here is why.   The legalities have changed.  Currently, if the police are called, charges are automatically brought against the offender and the victim, in most jurisdictions, will not be able to drop them.  This is the change.  In the past, a victim could bring charges to make a point and then drop them.  Of course, this also meant a revolving door for many couples in which the same offender was repeatedly arrested for the same crime.  Sometimes these people wound up in counseling.  The counseling rarely worked because it didn't teach people how to disagree safely or how to avoid the emotional levels that got them into physical abuse.   (In this respect the program designed by my wife taught skills and was court monitored so that there were teeth in the program.  There was a zero recidivist rate.)   Then there are the women who dislike men or THEIR man enough to continue to provoke them into getting arrested unless the man learns some skills to avoid being provoked.   Unfortunately, there are also men for whom counseling and negotiating is against their gender training.  So they don't benefit from counseling and they repeat the offense.  Then there are about l0% of men who actually calm down when about to hit a woman and thereby get her under control.  They often have military backgrounds and don't benefit from counseling either.  Their problems are of a characterological nature.   So men - or women-who are repeat offenders are in a different category from a man who loses it once, feels awful, and learns from the experience.   So, be aware, if you call the police, you must mean it.  You are now looking at legal fees and a criminal record for the offender.  If he or she is an abuser by history, this may be necessary.  Counseling would be the first stop-off place before the legal system and I grant you, it may not work depending on the personalities involved.    Now, again, if the situation has happened before and damage to person or property is an issue, police involvement is appropriate.  You simply must be prepared to go all the way with the charges because once the police arrive, it is out of your hands.   Also, remember in considering to call the police for spite:  The police ae called so often on minor spats that they are sometimes reluctant to come.  Only use them if it is really necessary for protection.   In all these cases it is possible to save the marriage but it may take court involvement to do it.  Sometimes the court is necessary to protect the victim and get help where it is needed.   Did You Know?  Much family violence occurs in an alcohol environment.  Alcohol can make people very crazy.  They get emotional, the alcohol brings out a drugged emotion, and things explode very easily.  Very often if the alcohol is removed, the violence stops.