Mental cruelty
as grounds for a Divorce
By Ed LaVance
Adams 9/2l/09
This is an
original article for MES and my website.
Objective: The
objective of this article is to identify mental
cruelty and demonstrate how it can be used as
grounds for divorce.
Summary: Many
spouses suffer through mental abuse or cruelty
throughout the marriage. This article identifies
different areas of mental abuse and the effect on
the abused leading to the possible need to
terminate the marriage because of it.
I have often been
requested to write an article on mental
cruelty/abuse and its validity as a cause for
divorce. If there are children divorce is never
good because it hurts them. However, it is
preferable to suicide or homicide and has its place
in some instances.
Practicing law in
Georgia, which is a "no-fault" state, the reason
given as grounds for divorce is usually,
"irreconcilable differences". I used to believe that
the areas of mental abuse did not need to be
addressed but I have changed my mind. I now think
that they constitute a very real and valid cause for
divorce in some cases.
Mental Cruelty takes
several forms. Some are more obvious than others.
The reality is that all forms of mental abuse have a
very negative impact on the marriage, the children
if there are any, and on the spouse receiving the
abuse.
In my opinion, the most
harmful form of abuse is the one involving a spouse
who belittles the other spouse with an audience or
without. The most harmful scenario is the
belittlement in front of the children. Studies have
shown that neither gender is more liable than the
other for such abuse.
The negative comments
come in many forms and may sound like, "he/she
doesn't earn enough money, is lazy, is stupid, is
worthless."
It really is impossible
to feel good about oneself in the face of regular
criticism and belittling from someone with whom you
live. If the belittling occurs in front of other
family members and they align with the abuser, the
experience can be very isolating for the abused. It
is all devastating over time and can even lead to
violence. The statistics are that most violence
occurs between family members. We are talking about
potentially dangerous situations.
There are other
possibilities of mental cruelty. One scenario
occurs when one spouse consistently corrects the
other spouse in social situations or in private.
The corrections may occur over inconsequential
matters and are to show the intellectual superiority
of the corrector. Usually the one doing the
correcting is weak and using the demoralization of
the other spouse to hide the discovery of the
weakness. This is more male gender related but can
occur in either gender.
Many people know
someone, usually the wife, who appears to have
everything. There is a nice home, and nice cars.
What is not visible is that the other spouse is
refusing to provide any money or individual credit
cards for personal use. The abused spouse becomes a
prisoner in the home.
Then there is either the
withholding of sexual favors or the demand of them.
Partners may use sex for reward or punishment.
There is also the existence of "rape" within
marriage.
Mental Cruelty is real.
It is just as harmful as physical abuse, alcoholism
drug addiction and the other reasons presented as
grounds for divorce.
One might ask if expert
testimony is required to prove Mental Cruelty or if
the testimony of the abused is enough. I believe
that the direct testimony of the abused would be
sufficient. However, any corroborating evidence
such as witnesses in certainly useful.
