The Legal Battle of Divorce or

                             He/She Used To Be The Love of My Life

 

"I want him or her buried!  I want to destroy him or her.  I won't give him/her anything!"

 

Welcome to my world as a family law attorney. These are some of the requests that I receive in my practice from clients seeking a divorce.

 

Do you think that some of these requests are executable?  There are lawyers who love the smell of blood and the battle.  However, it is not advisable, in my opinion, to recommend that clients pursue such action..

 

                                          The Nature of Divorce Litigation

 

It is common for people to want to take their anger from the marriage into the divorce litigation.  If they have children this is particularly damaging to them.

 

Children suffer when they see their parents at war.  Divorce is not a short term solution.  Though, many people see it as having the ability to stop the pain of the marriage.

 

The fact is, divorce is one of the most traumatic experiences an individual may go through in a lifetime.  One must consider that if one person wins all in the divorce settlement, the other loses all.

 

In my opinion, all efforts must be expended to reach an amicable settlement.  No one gets all they request but something everyone can live with is the aim.

 

This is better for the children, usually already shell shocked. If one parent feels abused in the settlement, that parent is more likely to take it out on the kids either by withholding around other financial issues, or verbal abuse of the parent seen as winning the "spoils".

 

                             Thoughts To Remember

 

The parties would do well to remember that the now opposing party was once the love of their life-probably.  At the very least, if there are children, the opposing side is the mother/father of the children.  While the "love" is lost, civility can remain.

 

With or without children, many issues keep popping up after the divorce.  These tend to be the details of visitation, child support checks arriving on time versus just late enough to be irritating and not late enough to deal with legally.  If people cannot deal respectfully during the divorce process, the animosity crops up later to a g greater degree than it otherwise might.  This makes the after life of divorce indeed difficult.

 

By all means, keep your dignity.  But it is not undignified to give a little to gain a lot.

 

Many lawyers would pursue any action requested but in the end, the only winner is the lawyer.

 

With some effort, the terrible consequence of divorce can be minimized..  Seek an attorney that will work with and for you and will help you keep in mind how you really want things to be after all the dust has settled.

 

Did you know?  80 percent of all people who go through litigation become ill?