Ed Adams on Child Custody

 

 

I am an attorney practicing in the field of family law.  Did you know, there is no area more difficult or painful for people than a divorce that involves children and the fights over them and about them.  It is trying (no pun intended) for the attorney as well and often painful.

 

I am in the position of advising parties, with the help of other professionals, on what I consider to be the best solutions for the custody of the children.

 

This advice may not be what my client wants wants to hear but I have a legal and moral obligation to give it.  Believe it or not, sometimes my advice gets ignored!  Imagine that--

 

                             Who Wins Custody?

 

There is not these days,- or should there be--any set conclusion on who should have custody.  Not so long ago, it was assumed that mothers had the rights of custody over fathers.  The Doctrine of Tender Years also came under consideration.

 

The latter, with very young children, still carries great weight.  That is, children who are very young are often presumed to be better off with mothers, especially if the mothers are not working.

 

Today, "the best interests of the child" may swing the pendulum in the direction of fathers in some cases.

 

Unfortunately, many parents' only goal is to punish the other parent.  The "best interests of the child" get lost and this is why I call the litigation "painful" for everyone, including the attorney.

 

                                   Case Example

 

In a recent case of mine, both the husband and wife were considered exceptional parents by everyone.  They saw each other in this light as well.  I represented the husband who would not consider anything that did not grant him full custody.  He wanted child support from his wife and limited visitation.  When I asked him , "why", he stated, "she is evil and I want to punish her".  This kind of anger usually arises from infidelity.

 

Issues of infidelity create more anger and more difficult resolution in divorce cases than any other issues that may arise.

 

The only question to be considered in the above case was "who was the better choice as custodial parent or would joint custody be appropriate?  The level of anger here was so great, as is usual in infidelity, that joint custody would never work.  So, who could best be custodial parent?

 

The following facts were uncovered.

 

The husband, my client, was a sales executive with a large corporation..  He had a substantial salary. He traveled four nights each week.  He was only home on week-ends.

 

The wife stayed at home.  She had not worked in ten years.

 

The husband was not willing to change his lifestyle.  The wife could not find employment.

 

Based on the above issues, I advised my client that he would be punishing his children and his wife by insisting on a custody battle.  He had little likelihood of winning.  His desires would punish him as well.

 

My client did not care.  He wanted what he wanted or he would go to trial.  Fortunately, I was able to convince him to allow his wife to have physical custody without putting the issue to a test in the court system.  He grudgingly accepted visitation every other week-end.  This was in the best interests of the children.

 

My point here is that many parents cannot get past their anger with the other parent

in order to do what is best for the children.  If you are facing such a situation, I hope you will not be such a person.

 

Did you Know?  98% of all divorces occur because someone is or was unfaithful. The legal issue here is that  the degree of anger that results from such occurences makes amicable divorce settlement much more difficult.